Former Seattle book club members: if you are reading this post, I recommend this is our next topic of discussion. Current Philly book club members, I'm still trying to find you.
As you have probably figured out, I have a love/hate relationship with my job. Yesterday's conversation with my boss seemingly jolted me into a harsh reality. I said I was behind on some stuff and wasn't proud of that but that I was working extra (read: not sleeping much) to get it done. He knows my work ethic and knows how against my nature it is to be behind on work or not do a great job. So it all boiled down to his advice on how I will ever be able to advance my career without burning out before I am 30. Learn how to disappoint the right people the right way.
Insert tears welling, me holding the back.
Is this really the next step? The whole way home I felt as if I had a bit of unravelling. If I disappoint my boss and satisfy the hundreds of marketing managers I support, do I risk promotion? If I do the opposite, have I failed to keep my promises to colleagues? If I satisfy my responsibilities at work, it is clear that I disappoint my friends and family far more than I can bare to recount. If I satisfy the needs of everyone else, but forget to nourish myself, am I the one caught holding the bag?
Albeit cynical, it started to seem like the more responsibility I get as a worker the more I have to get comfy with knowing that my (lack of) action will make things harder for others but better for me and my sanity. Is that really what it takes? That's not rhetorical. I am honestly hoping that someone out there has some perspective because I sure could use it.
Yes, there are the "learn to say no more often" and "delegate to others" and the "get your priorities straight" and "you need to take care of yourself so you can take care of others" and in sure all that would help. But fundamentally, do I have to start calculating the best way to disappoint people? Calculating needs and impact and worth? There has to be another way.
